When Hallie was two
there were songs
dancing
and games of peekaboo
strawberry hair
framed
blue, china doll eyes
lit with pure joy,
innocence,
and love of life
bubbles and chalk
a best friend “Bo”
dirt, swinging and
counting
adoration for her hero
chasing silence away
with babbling talk
and squeals of
delight
blowing kisses
in dresses and bows
Lover of light
In a dark, chaotic world
Hope shined brightly
When Hallie was two.
I recently and unexpectedly was forced to face my anxious giant. I’ve always been laid back, calm and even-natured. Until this year. Okay, maybe it was happening a really long time before now but I have been really good at internalizing. Until I couldn’t anymore.
We all have experienced nervousness and probaably anxiety on some level. Who hasn’t been nervous or anxious about taking a test in school, a first date, or giving a report in front of a room full of people?
Anxiety is a real condition that now impacts over one-third of Americans.That means an average of one in 3 people are likely to be experiencing brain fog/loss of concentration, heart palpitations, exhaustion, change in sleep patterns, appetite, and feelings of terror or doom.
Stop right now and count the number of people on your team at work and divide by 3. That’s how many of your employees are likely to be suffering from symptoms of anxiety right now. Unfortunately, few who suffer will share that information with their employers.
I get it. It can be terrifying to admit you have a condition/disability that, left untreated, could impede professional growth and success. Only 1 in 4 people will disclose their anxiety to their employers.
For all those who are suffering silently, and as someone who has a newfound passon for helping the anxious, I want to share this list of things that most anxious employees would say to their employers if they felt safe enough to do so:
Assume everyone has anxiety. Lead with compassion, patience and grace. Look beyond what you see. Your words as a person in leadership have such power when it comes to how employees see themselves. Assume the best intentions because most of us have them.
Be supportive, not punitive. If your typically punctual employee begins missing meetings or is late to work more frequently, don’t make accusations or immediately take disciplinary action. Ask why. Ask if everything is okay. Ask how you can support them to meet expectations.
I’m not lazy or unmotivated. If a normally productive employee shows a decrease in production or passion about important projects, ask why. Never assume there is a poor work ethic or loss of interest and ownership. I may work slower at times because I could be terrified of making mistakes.Anxiety can cause exhaustion, loss of energy and very often, depression.
I’m listening. When an employee asks you to clarify or repeat directives this does not indicate that they lack the ability to understand, aren’t listening or are uninterested. Anxiety can compromise concentration, including causing extreme brain fog and forgetfulness.
I didn’t choose this condition. I would be free of this condition if I could. I’m not using it as an excuse, a crutch or as an identity that will keep me from having to pull my weight at work. It won’t always interfere with my work life. Anxiety can run in families, be caused from a chemical imbalance, personality type, or life events.
Correct wisely. Constantly pointing out areas of concern only causes panic and feelings of hopelessness, which increases depressive symptoms. Support me in reaching expectations. Nobody wants me to get this right more than I do. Collaborate with me on a plan for success.
Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should. One sign of anxiety is the need to please others and the inability to say no. I am always volunteering and overextending. Don’t take advantage of my weakness in this area for your own purposes.
Remind me of my value. Anxiety and perfectionism often go hand and hand. I see my flaws and those make me anxious. Help me see the ways I am positively contributing and doing things well.
Don’t underestimate me. I don’t need a babysitter. I can be a star on the team even when managing anxiety. Sometimes the most motivated and talented employees are those who have discovered the best ways to manage their anxiety, which is a true testament of strength, innovation, resiliency and endurance. What else could you ask for?
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